Sunny Beaches: That's Fun

For the last two weeks my photography has been mostly focused on Alexis and Sydney. In fact, almost all of my energy has been devoted to them. I find that I am "always on". They have me wrapped around their fingers, and they know how to charm, and cajole me to achieve their individual and collective wishes.

Not that I am complaining, but it is work. I know that they are having a really great time, and that soon the bliss of childhood may be gone for them as the pressures to conform increase. For now they are still relatively free to be free as they lose themselves in play and activities.

Maybe I am envious. I wonder how can these beings have the freedom to go so easily to that state of bliss. Why do I have to sit, chant, pray, meditate, pray to achieve moments of that "Oneness"?

I answer that question with a prayer of thanksgiving as I am reminded of what the great teacher said "that we are to enter the Kingdom of heaven as children". 

Here are my teachers.

THE CAMERA

Redwood Acres Fair, June 2010

I just read a column by John Driscoll in the local newspaper the Times Standard. The theme was about hunting, hunters and technology. What I got from my read was that some hunter's needs to keep up with the latest gear and technology can, and often does usurp the essence and purity of their sport.


I know that it is true for photographers that we often get caught up in camera and gear shopping. It has always been so, but is very marked now in the ever-changing digital age.


For about twenty years I used an antique, and very flimsy Korona 4x5 view camera. The camera was wooden (maybe rosewood) with leather bellows. It had an extension rail, and would rack out a very long way. The lens was an Ektar 203mm f7.7 that had lots of coverage for all the camera's movements. The extreme movements that this camera was capable of allowed for me to take architectural and landscape shots that had correct perspectives. This camera was always attached to a heavy-duty tripod, and I don't think I ever took a hand-held shot with it. While using this camera I was almost always slow and deliberate in my compositions. The primary advantage of this old camera was that the negatives were a joy to print, and they were full of detail.


Sometime in the late eighties I bought a Mamiya 645 Super roll film camera. The negatives were considerably smaller than the 4x5, but the camera, with its detachable film backs, was more convent to use. Those backs (one for color and the other for B&W) were good for fifteen shots each. The quality of the images from this system were quite good. I often "hand-held" this camera, and because of the waist-level viewfinder, I became more creative and spontaneous with my compositions. The Mamiya however, did not allow for the use of swings and tilts like the Korona, and there were occasions where I really missed the ability to correct the perspective. The images from this camera did not have as much detail as the 4x5, but they were still very nice. I had two lenses and I mostly used the wide angle 45mm Mamiya which was superb for landscapes.


These were my main cameras from the mid seventies through the nineties. I always had a 35mm camera as well, and usually carried it in addition to the other systems. I don't know how many thousands of negatives and slides that I took in 35mm, but there are quite a few.


I really embraced digital photography in 2006 when I bought the Sony R1. I rediscovered the joy of shooting with this wonderful camera. I think the thing I most liked about using the Sony was that it felt like the Mamiya. The Sony has a very flexible LCD screen, and I often flipped it so that it was on top of the camera. In this position the camera operated like waist-level camera. This enabled me to get shots from a low perspective, and it also rotated so that I could get shots while holding the camera above my head. I must mention that the lens was downright superb. A 24-120 mm equivalent piece of glass that was really clean at all focal lengths. The camera was totally quiet. I took shots inside monasteries, and never did I intrude with a noisy shutter.


Ah, the shortcomings of the Sony: noise at anything above ISO 400, and no image stabilization. I never could figure out why the camera did not incorporate IS, but it did not. Because of this I often used the camera with a tripod, and this, at times, slowed down my spontaneity.


I will editorialize a bit and give my opinion about what I think Sony could have done to upgrade this camera. I think that the R1 with its great lens and rotating LCD was a great design. If Sony would have produced a R2 with the same lens, an upgraded LCD (that rotated the same), increased the resolution to at least 15mp, added IS and video they would have a very appealing camera, but they did not. I don't know why Sony dropped the design. I know that the R1 had some less than stellar reviews. It seems that some reviewers did not like the LCD's flexibility, and the camera's lack of an optical viewfinder. Anyhow, I would have bought the R2 that I described above if Sony would have made it - but they did not.


What this leads to is that last month I finally bought a new camera. My choice was made almost entirely on the lens that I intend to buy soon. I am trading the flexibility of the Sony R1/Mamiya 645 for some of the movements and resolution of the Korona. I bought a Canon 5d Mark II. I chose this camera because Canon makes two suburb tilt/shift lenses. These lenses and this camera (with its 21megapixiles) will allow me to make architectural and landscape shots with most of the advantages of the view camera, and the convenience of a 35mm camera. There are shots that the lenses will allow that none of previously mentioned systems could. I will soon acquire one of the TS lenses and share my discoveries here.


I have just started using the Canon, and I do miss the Sony's LCD, but for 95% of my shots this camera with its 24-105mm image-stabilized lens is really impressing me. I do believe that in this day and age, that technology does have its place, but that nothing will ever replace the need to just go out and take photographs.  I know that for me it is too easy to spend excessive amounts of time doing the  "shopping" part of the craft.

Web Site Update

I think we have just about finished updating the web site. It looks much better, and includes examples of most of my current work. I owe a big debt of gratitude to Ellen Briggs for all of her fine work on the site.

It is my intent to use the blog space to share the ongoing works before they are posted on the web site.

This morning I seized an opportunity to "grab" this shot. It is of the Arcata Scrap and Salvage which is right across from the Arcata Marsh. I was on my way to the auto mechanic's  when I saw this shot. So when I finished my business with the mechanic, I walked back to grab this and several other shots. This was a one-time shot, as the carts were moved by this afternoon.

Arcata Scrap and Salvage, July 2010

Thanks for looking.

http://www.thomasbethunephotography.com/

Feedback

I truly feed on the feedback that I receive on my images. I do admit that some of what I experience is egoic - after all I am human. But (thankfully) the greater sense that I get is that of knowing that others experience in their own way some of the same things that I realized during the photographic experience.

The Arcata and Eureka Projects

I started working on documenting the cities of Eureka and Arcata in 2009 by recommencing my photographic work on the NorthCoast Railroad. Previously, I photographed the railroad on and off from 1980 through about 1995 with film.

In January of this year I started taking photographs (portraits) of the storefronts and businesses of downtown Arcata.

I almost always take the images in the pre-dawn and sunrise hours. I have been following the sunrise's ever changing angle as it strikes the faces of my subjects. I very recently started working in downtown Eureka. There are images that I have noted for years, and am now going about capturing.

                               The Arcata Car Wash, Arcata 2010

These morning ventures are my primary link to the magic that was created in Santa Fe. I am also experiencing great joy by hosting our two granddaughters, Sydney and Alexis. They are very nice company, and are quite entertaining.

Alexis and Sydney at Wedding Rock, Patrick's Point State Park

Here is a shot that Sydney took completely on her own.

Time to Go

This is the last day of this retreat. In many ways it is already over. I am gathering my things, doing laundry, and I have started to pack. I have some travel arrangements to make and other such busy things to do.

I note that I am still present. I have not started to think about what I will do when I get home. I am reinforcing the thoughts that I will remember to stay present when I resume my “normal” life.

I have many reasons to be grateful for this entire experience. Yesterday I worked in the gallery, and I received some very positive and genuine feedback on my images. I accepted the praise, and realize that it did not go to my head, but I do realize that I am fed from feedback.

I acknowledge that the act of photographing is the first element in my work. The second aspect is the filing, sorting, processing and printing of the selected pieces. The third component is the framing and hanging of individual photographs that I combine with other pieces to create a theme. The next element of the photographic experience occurs when someone views the show, and they realize their own connection with either the entire body of work or with some of the individual photographs. The culmination of my photographic experience occurs whenever I receive feedback about the work. I receive the feedback either directly or from the knowledge that someone decided to purchase a piece. This feedback somehow validates the work, and becomes fulfilling for me.

I have noticed that over the past few years that my ego is less involved in the need for feedback. I am unsure as to when and where the ego was subdued because it has been a slow transition. The process may not be complete – I know better than to tempt an egoic uprising. I am confident nonetheless, that I have made some genuine progress toward that end.

And that is what I am so grateful for regarding the past three weeks.  It has been about photographing, and that has led to the practice being in the state of Being. What joy!

Passages

A passage way reveals itself

Dare I enter?

The mystery intrigues

The uncertainty brings fear

  

Should I embrace the unknown?

Or just pass this door?

I turn back

But I feel the pull

To pass this door is to be safe

Sure in the known

If I pass

Will I wonder

What was waiting for me?

Perhaps I will never know

I pause and listen

Inside a small voice beckons

With faith

I turn back toward the light

I leave fear at the threshold

And step through in peace

My Special Purpose

In my meditation this morning I asked “what is the higher purpose of this three week retreat?” I know that this time offered me opportunities to refine my photographic vision in that there were so many wonderful places to practice my craft. I feel that I took advantage of this experience to do just that. I think I have a collection of images of which I am sure I will find many keepers. I am looking forward to working with these and to print a portfolio from this time in New Mexico.

The greater gift of this three week experience is that I am experiencing a solid block of time where my ego has been held in its proper place – that of being subservient to my higher self (awareness). This has been a safe place to practice this state of awareness because I have been free of the “normal” things that would distract me from this state. It should serve as a reminder for me whenever Mr. Ego becomes boisterous that I can and have spent time being relatively ego-free, and that I can always reclaim that state of being.

So that is the bottom line. It is not about the photography. It has been about solidifying the control of my life, and accepting that I have done enough work to be able to at least for three weeks, live relatively ego-free. The photographs are part of the fruit of this labor, but so to is peace and understanding.

I have kept a journal for thirty years, but this is the first time that I have made it pubic. That is what this blog has been; an electronic journal. I trust that those who read these pages benefit from my experiences.

Namaste

Tom

Thoughts On This Meditation's Rewards

My time here at Santa Fe is time that has been well spent. I feel a greater connection to my own being. I think it has been important that I break from my routines, and responsibilities. I have embraced the freedom that this retreat has provided. I don’t feel like I am a changed man, but I am definitely more aware of whom I am. I know that I will get back into the flow at home, and that I will be grateful for that wonderful sanctuary. I will again step back into my relationship with Lisa, and both of us will step back into the state of “our”.


I think that habits of how I live my normal life have become just a bit too engrained. My passions gather dust, and my motivations wane. I think that these retreats that I take from time-to-time, serve as good reminders for me as to whom it is that I am. They allow for me the opportunities to have my life’s values and priorities regain some of their newness. These retreats provide boosts that at least temporarily, rekindle my gusto for life.

I feel that this experience is in subtle and substantial ways that reflect in my photography. I experience on a near daily basis, a deeper and clearer connection with the experience of photographing. My years of technical practice are combining with my vision, and are forming a union. This union becomes its own element. I will paraphrase Minor White by saying that when I am one with the subject that the camera, subject and I become something else. Perhaps we three become one.

I know that when I am in these situations I feel as real as I ever have, and that this connectivity continues into the rest of my non-photographing life. It is as if I have made a pilgrimage to the temple only to discover that I have been in the temple all along. It is just that my eyes have been opened, and now I realize that the temple is everywhere.

Spirit In The Sky

Sunset of a Soul Set Free

You’ve been on my mind

Since you passed

I think of you when the wind blows

Or when I see a colorful sunset

I thought I saw you today at a National Park

She was a vision of a younger self

Before the tumors

And before the hospital

She had a daughter with her

Both were giggling as they sat at a picnic table

I wanted to say hello

I miss you

My brain told me that this person

Was not really you

But that she made me remember you

It was not my place to interrupt their special moment

I left and went on with my day

Photographing old churches

All the while reflecting on

How fortunate I am to be here

Later, I am still attune

Photographing the sunset and the clouds

Then a cloud reminds me of your painting of

A Soul Set Free

I see you

I feel your presence

I acknowledge your status

Fly free dear friend

Night Prayers

I am fully actualizing and manifesting the reality that I am here now. I awoke at four this morning having just completed a very clear and powerful dream wherein I was fully connected with Spirit. The attitude that I was in was like what I imagine lamas experience when they get to higher states of meditation. I truly felt that I was in the Presence of the Divine. That state carried with me as I ventured out into the dark and quiet of the early morning. I stood in the cool night air as the light from distant stars bathed my being with their ancient light. I felt like I was taking a shower in pure love. Visions and revelations saturated my soul. I accepted that the knowledge that I was receiving was of the highest and purest Truth that I had ever known - a true state of rapture and bliss.

I won’t share what was revealed, because it is not important that I do so here. I will say that the truths revealed to me came as no surprise. It is as if I had always known these things, but I was always reluctant to accept them because I was not ready to believe these truths that church and society had worked so very hard to hide.

What I will share is that I understand why I needed to go through what I did last week (see earlier postings). I needed to be free of my busy mind and ego so that I could be at a place where I would be free to receive Spirit. That plus my commitment to make this truly be a three week meditation opened the door for me to receive this blessing.

I fully get why it doesn’t matter that my preferred access to Spirit is through my Christian and Buddhist experiences. I get too that I am free to embrace my pathway to God which is one that is free of the spiritual tyranny of organized religion. I understand now, more than ever, that the most important work that I can do is to work toward the end of manifesting my own fullness of being. In so doing I truly can participate in creating The Kingdom of Heaven.

I decided to drive to Las Vegas, NM so that I could photograph in the early morning light. I had already surveyed the shots that I wanted in this lighting earlier this week so I knew exactly where to be when the sun rose. As I started photographing I experienced oneness with the camera and the subjects. This is not a new feeling to me, but today I was as open as I think I ever have been. I don’t know if the photographs will reveal any of this over the ones I shot last night or earlier this week, but that doesn’t matter to me. What does matter is that I was able to put aside my need to buy the best camera, and my need to engage in matters of the world via Face Book. Instead I fulfilled the act of being Thomas Allen Bethune – fully present.

I can truly say that for today, May 7, 2010 I up to this point, have been the most ego-free that I have ever been. For that I give thanks. It likely will be different when I get back to my routine, but it is my experience that these spiritual advances will mostly stay in place.

Early Morning at Lamy, New Mexico

Being free of any schedule or commitments surely has its rewards, and maybe a few drawbacks, but it is how I am mostly operating these days. I am committed to a daily practice of Tai Chi, Hatha Yoga and meditation, but that is about it. The rest is entirely up to me. I don’t have to take in the best restaurants. I’m not compelled to check out all the galleries, nor am I feeling any pressure to experience New Mexico beyond what I am doing now.

I am free of the things that needed to be addressed last week. I am off of Face Book, and I am leaving the issue of purchasing a camera until later. I now feel a lightness of being, yet I feel grounded and focused. I eat when I am hungry, sleep when I feel sleepy, and photograph every day.

I awoke just a bit too late this morning to catch the early morning sunshine at Las Vegas, but I did have enough time to go to Lamy. I thought that I had pretty well exhausted the photographic opportunities at Lamy, but I was wrong. I greeted the sunrise with my tripod, camera and presence. My mind was free of all thoughts, and I was just there (I am still present as I write this). I think some magic happened, and I recorded some of it with the camera.

I suppose that the lesson for the day is that plans or not, I may experience fullness of being by allowing/cultivating Presence. I am becoming free of the need to fulfill any wish list that I may have made prior to arriving in New Mexico, or of any list I may have made the night before.

I realize that this format may not work every where and every day in my normal life, but for the duration of this three-week venture is suits the bill just fine. That said I still intend to get to Las Vegas for a morning shoot before next week comes and goes.