Thursday, April 19, 2012



I am seriously considering printing this image, but I am plagued with the indecision that comes from my thinking about what others will think of it. I keep working to shed myself of the need for approval from others, but I still have not shaken it all off.

I found out yesterday, that neither of my entries in the latest RAA show made it past the juror. This is the second show in a row where I did not have an accepted entry. I am bothered less by this than I was the last couple of times. I have been accepted enough times and have received enough awards  to realize that I am a competent artist, and I think I am making headway on accepting the outcomes of these juried shows.

Part of the whole issue for me is that I am competitive. There I said it! I own it. I embrace it. I release it. I think it is in some ways healthy to be competitive, but I now know that my competitive nature is no longer helpful in making me a better artist.

I am working hard on celebrating the success of other artists. I am working on understanding that my artistic expressions are relevant, sophisticated and successful as works of art. I accept too, that not everyone is going to see and feel the message that is conveyed in my prints. I accept that that is perfectly fine and dandy, and that the judgement of others is not a validation nor a rejection of my worth as an artist or as a person.

It is a two-way street. In the past when I won awards I would become all puffed up. I was elated, and riding on a cloud. Then along would come the down-side. I would not make a sell, or I would not make the cut from a juried show, and I would get the blues. It has become predictable for me. Get a prize, become elated, get rejected, and come down.

That is what I am releasing. I do not need the ups nor the downs. I do not have those extremes in any other aspect of my life, so why should I accept them when it comes to my creations?

This is the primary reason why I write this blog. I do it so that I may have some witnesses to my process. I am working hard to release myself from this egoic attachment that is tied to my self-worth. I want to be free of my need for you to like my photographs. They make me happy, and that should be sufficient. I still appreciate feedback. I value the critiques that we do at the camera club. That input is mostly helpful, especially when it comes to technical advise or observations.

Aesthetics - I trust my eye.